Lessons I’ve Learned- Part One
I was watching an episode of Golden Girls the other day (chalk it up to being an old soul) and there was a small part that really spoke to me. Before continuing, let’s be clear: I am not close to the age of the characters, yet I have experienced much loss and medical hardship in my life. In fact, I have been through more to date than most go through in a lifetime, and I’m willing to share all I’ve learned with you. The intent is to share different aspects of my journey in an effort to raise awareness, empathy and understanding of the struggles each one of us goes through on any given day, in any given way.
In the Golden Girls episode, the character Dorothy was feeling under the weather for about 5 months, and she was feeling increasingly fatigued. She went to her doctor, received referrals to multiple specialists, and each time was told there was nothing wrong with her. Some doctors even suggested she was making up her symptoms. In addition to her symptoms worsening over time, she left each appointment feeling dismissed and dejected. Her ray of hope came when one specialist put a name to her condition. While it was a newly understood condition where treatment had yet to be discovered, Dorothy felt great relief being understood by the specialist.
Though her journey was over several months, mine has been over the past 11 years. And like the character in the show, I have been to dozens upon dozens of specialists over the years. I was dismissed, ignored, talked down to, and brushed aside more times than I can list. What it has come down to is this: my condition was given a name that 80% of the population with similar symptoms is categorized under. Like in the show, the condition symptoms are specific to each person, are hard to understand, and aren’t the focus of research efforts. I have found a small number of specialists who have made me feel heard, that what I feel is legitimate, and that for now, I have reached as far as science can take me to alleviate how I feel. I have not given up hope that one day I will feel better.
At the end of the episode, Dorothy runs into one doctor that was particularly dismissive with her. She approached the doctor and said what I – and so many – wish we could. To paraphrase, she told him that she had been diagnosed with a real and serious health condition. That this doctor’s dismissal of her and her needs made her feel like she was crazy, imagining her symptoms, and that she wasn’t worth listening to. At the end of her speech, she poignantly states, “doctor, when you end up sick and on the other side of the table, I hope you have a better doctor than you were to me”.
The lesson in all of this, is trust yourself and how you feel. There is someone out there who can help you, that will listen to you, and believe you, even if it takes some time.
